I would hate to complain, but....

Last night Ashten and I ventured to a few different stores to buy some space heaters. As we watched a store associate show off several different space heaters, there was a mother and daughter shopping together for space heaters. Their reason was the same as ours - Heating Oil cost way too much money. Now, every place I have lived in ever since I moved out of my parents house has used fuel oil to heat the house with, yet every time I tell someone that fuel oil is used they reply with shock. This is not shocking to me since other than my parents house, I have never experienced a different option. This year is proving to be the most challenging. It would cost over $900.00 to fill the oil tank up, which would probably supply us with heat for one third of the winter season. That is impossible on our budget, absolutely impossible and when I called and figured out how much it would be to fill up our tank it made my stomach hurt. So instead of taking a loan out so we can have inadequate heat this winter, we bought some space heaters and we are going to seal off this apartment.

Here is what I have been thinking about lately. What kind of low income person could afford that? I don't even consider Ashten and I to be a part of the lower low class, and we can't afford it. How is a couple that relies on welfare and their low wage pay from Wal Mart, Burger King, McDonalds, or another of the hundred places that pays too low; how are these people going to afford any fuel? I consider ourselves lucky that we can afford space heaters as an alternative heat, but many people will not be able to do even that. I find this sad and very pathetic that there are people taking full advantage of low class people JUST BECAUSE THE POOR PREFER NOT TO FREEZE TO DEATH! What in the world, where has sympathy for the poor gone? Instead of recognizing people in need, the billionaires at the fuel companies are making their largest profits ever while people have to choose between heat, giving Christmas gifts, and eating food this month. I think we need Jesus...I am sure we need Jesus.

The following are some links that I found explaining some of the facts about heating oil, such as price comparisons, the reality of oil heating, and some small ways there are assistance for people who can not afford it.

Citizens Energy
&
What Consumers Should Know About Heating Oil

It is great that there are people and organizations trying to help the low class, but sadly it is not enough. I think in all reality it takes landlords who will realize that it is not right to ask someone to pay this much for oil just to stay warm...landlords that will respect earth and the low class's wallet. Solar heating, better windows that do not let air in and out, and safe measures that reduce the need for space heaters. This would benefit the landlord in the long run and help the renters immediately.

I realize that this is much banter....and I am sorry. It pains me to see people have to suffer through winter, while also battling seasonal depression and many other factors that make winter so difficult for some people. I do not think heat should be a concern. While I try to calm down and not be so angry about people with lots of money and plenty of heat.....here is a photo of me pre-space heaters and bubble wrap draft proof house.

hello friends and family:

it has been a while since i was last on here. lately i have been listening to kanye west, busy with school, turned a year older, and dieting/exercising.

this dieting/exercising is so strange to me. i always thought that i didn't need to be dieting and that the exercise that i was getting was sufficient enough. but recently the more i thought about i need to view my body as an image of God since we were formed in the image of God. i figure that being overweight is probably not the best way to treat my body. that the nice little luxuries in life is not the way to go all the time (example: driving a car when i could ride or walk, eating fatty fast food when i could wait another hour and cook fresh food myself, etc.) i have recently rediscovered my love for fruit...not that i didn't like it before but it just taste better when there are no fatty foods in the way.

it is now october and it looks like this month will be just as busy and quick as the last few. we went to ohio last week and are going to be going back in another week. driving 12 hours round trip twice in a month really makes it hard on our finances, as well as driving 8 hours a week. it kills me how much ashten and i rely on gasoline. as soon as we are done with school i want to swear off of it, perhaps try to shrink our carbon footprint in the meantime. (whatever that means, it is all just cliche' anymore i fear)

our friend marcie is planning on visiting later this month. how exciting.

joey moved to europe. i miss him. if anyone is in germany and sees him, tell him that i say hi.

that is all for now, just a quick update.

peace

ryan

Traveling Mercies

I have been in a tough place for the past few weeks. I am trying to look at what church is and what it means to me. I have been looking at this on my own, with Ashten, and with friends of mine who have been or may be in the same place that I am in. Recently, one of my friends said that he thought...(this is not word for word)

"the reason we may feel like we don't need church in America is because we don't. We know what it takes to survive, we know a little bit about having faith, and we have our own communities and that can be enough to carry us through. But then there are underground churches in other countries that need that church for the support and faith building that they need."

I am re-reading Anne Lamott's book 'Traveling Mercies' in which she talks about her church numerous times and what it means to her. A living, breathing, loving, and giving family nurturing her and her son Sam. I wonder then if church is like that for me, but that is not what I find in my co-church goers. So many people are looking for different things once they enter the door that it is impossible for me to think of what I am looking for, and more times than not I have no idea of what I am looking for and I feel like church is a waste of my time.

Perhaps this is a season and perhaps I look into this issue way too much, but sometimes I can't help but to feel like church is happening at my old house when we all sit around and eat and drink together. Sometimes I feel like church is at the bar, or on top of a mountain, or in the car while having a great discussion, or when I watch a film or read books that get me thinking.

What is church and why can't I ever find it at 'The Church'?

(comments welcomed)

Ryan
(here is a photo of me thinking about church)

Work Work Work

I work at a bank that is very out dated. As far as I know, we have been trying to install and use the new computer system for almost three years now. I have been there for almost a year and a half and it is hard to feel like I am a part of it. In reality, I sit and read books, cash checks, and just answer phone calls. I can not wait until I finish school and I can do something that I enjoy doing and being a part of people's lives. Right now I am working for money and money alone. I know how bad that sounds and I hate saying it - I would love to quit my job and work somewhere else for less money but I can't. I really really can't and that drives me insane. Anyways, here are some photo's of my work and how outdated it is.

I realize the layout of these pictures is horrible. One day I will prefect the way these all look.

Ryan

mondayyyyyy

snoop bloggy blogg - that was what ashten was just saying and it was funny and yet so very appropriate.



this past weekend anna has been here to visit us. friends, what a wonderful thing to cherish. we have been married a little more than two months and one of the things that i have been lucky to see in these two months has been the incredible friendships that ashten has with her closest friends. they care, they understand, they give knowledge and advice, and they care for her. how wonderfully amazing is that. i would like to think that i can offer that friendship to my closest and most dear friends.

we climbed up this mountain called hump back rocks on sunday. it is a neat hike that has a trail and then fizzles off to being a few rock scrambles and some loose dirt. it is a challenge and the hike is so dense that you feel like at the top it will just be full of trees and there is no point to continue on. but then, you get to the very top and you look out for miles and miles at the beautiful creation that God has given and it makes you think about how wonderfully we are made. how incredible it is that if God has so wonderfully made the mountains, trees, clouds, and animals - how amazing it is that he made each and everyone of us beautiful and in the image of God. after catching my breath from the hike, i had to catch my breath again from the view. here is a picture.

ashten and i have been in school now for two whole weeks. long enough to know that i am going to enjoy it and be excited to learn. today i found out that our financial aide instructor filed me wrong and told me that i was accepted for a pell grant after. saving some money sure helped me feel good. continued support is needed in the next few months. i have never felt so 'stuck' in one place as i feel now working full time and going to school part time. it is an ok feeling, i just need to know how to handle it.

for anyone who may read this...i love you